I have suffered unimaginable pain on multiple occasions in my life. But, the most recent loss, the wound that still has fresh blood dripping from it, the loss that almost broke me is one that is definitely in my top two.
- Top two for worst pain that I have ever felt in my life.
- Top two for one of the only events that I actually thought was going to destroy me.
- Top two for one of the incidents that still haunts me…
Even though it’s been exactly 1 year and 1 day since it happened. Even though it’s 1 a.m. and ironically enough I am doing the exact same thing that I was doing exactly one year ago.
Three hundred and sixty six days ago I experienced some of the worst pain that I have ever felt and I spent countless hours trying to catch my breath in the darkness of my bedroom.
Eight thousand, seven hundred and eighty four hours ago my eyes were so swollen I couldn’t face the sunlight, or even the small bedside lamp that I knocked from the table in order to keep my room as dark as the blackness that was inside of my soul.
Five hundred and twenty seven thousand and forty minutes ago I kissed my best friend goodbye for the very last time as I buried a piece of my heart in the ground with her.
One year ago I realized that the thing that I love most in the world, is the thing that caused thunderstorms in the deepest parts of me, leaving one of the world’s most fatal natural disaster buried deep inside my body.
Today I held it together, I did all of the things that I loved.
But, when the clock struck midnight, your memory danced into my subconscious and suddenly I was all too aware of the time that has passed since I lost saw your face.
And my breath was taken directly from my chest and my tears fell effortlessly, the same way they did last year.
And now, twelve months later I lay shaking on my bedroom floor, in a puddle of tears and memories still unable to comprehend why something so good, had to end so soon.
Until we meet again…