I don’t know you yet.
In fact, she might not even know you yet.
But luckily, I don’t need to personally know you to write you this.
I know her better than you do.
So when you come around and you want to flatter her with expensive jewellery and priceless memories please don’t hesitate to ask for my advice.
I am not going to steer you in the wrong direction just so we can chuckle about it at a later date behind your back.
I am not going to pick out the most expensive item in the store in 4 different colours.
However, what I am going to do is tell you no when you’re buying her a ring way to earlier.
And then I am going to ensure that you always buy the right size of sweater or the right colour of fuzzy socks.
I promise to you, that I will always help you in the most sincere way possible so that I can ensure that I always get a picture of the gift later from my very happy bestfriend.
I love her more than you do.
This might seem like a ridiculous statement.
You might truly believe that no-one in the world could ever love her in the way that you do.
But, trust me when I tell you, that there are several people who do – and I am one of them.
I will always take her side.
Even if you manage to win me over and at some point we even share some inside jokes.
Or even if I help you plan out the perfect date night and it seems like our friendship is really blooming.
She will always be my number one.
That means if you guys get in a fight, and she is completely out of line, I will still stand behind her.
That means I will show up in her driveway, as you are storming out, with comfort food and chick flicks already in hand.
This means, that if you guys break up, our communication will be terminated immediately and I will strongly advice her not to drunk text you at 2 a.m.
I was here before you.
And I plan to be here after you. However, if you guys end up walking down the isle, I am still not going anywhere – even if you aren’t either.
This means you cannot scare me off.
You cannot end our friendship.
And you certainly cannot take her away from me.
I will give you the benefit of the doubt.
I will not hate you at first.
I will not judge you, or question you, or be wary of you.
On the day when she decides it is time for us to meet, I will welcome you with open arms and an open mind.
However, I promise you that the minute you begin to slip I will break out my best detective skills.
I won’t hurt you if you ever hurt her.
Let’s be realistic here, you are probably much bigger than me – in both height and strength.
I am not going to be cliche and tell you that if you break her heart, I will break your legs. Even though I will contemplate it several times.
Instead I will be there to build her back up.
I will wipe her tears and hold her hand.
I will get her drunk and get her over you.
And then, when you realize how much you lost and regret ever throwing it away,
I will stand in between you because you will never be worthy of her again.