In general I like to think of myself as a strong, independent women.
I like to believe that I would have equal chance at any opportunity as any of the males around me. I like to believe that even though I enjoy help and company I am more then capable of being on my own – and being successful at it.
And, I really like to believe that I am somehow, in my own way, doing this “adult” thing properly – even when it feels like I am just a little kid playing make-believe.
I manage my own schedule. Juggle my own finances. Heck, I even call the doctors office myself to make appointments when I think they are absolutely necessary; in my opinion, that task alone means that I have mastered a little piece of adulthood.
Which evidently leads us to today, when although my mom had to “remind” me 47 times that I absolutely HAD to go to the dentist over my reading break from college, I independently made the appointment and drove myself to it. (And for full clarity I also sat through the entire appointment without biting the dental assistance fingers – this alone is a big accomplishment because the dentist office is probably my biggest kryptonite.)
Granted this isn’t really about me going to the dentist – and being cavity free – and doing it completely on my own. It is, however, about what happened after the dentist.
I had about two hours to kill before I had to go to the chiropractor. Two hours, by myself, with not enough time to drive home, and no official errands to run.
So I had a few options. Option 1: wander around some stores and spend an unknown amount of money that absolutely should not be spent on stuff that I absolutely did not need. Option 2: go to the library and take advantage of the free high-speed Internet (which is where I write this from). Or option 3: feed my starving body since I didn’t eat before the dentist due to the fact my entire stomach was in knots and I didn’t want them to mistaken a poppy seed off my bagel for a cavity.
Obviously, I went with option 3. It is impossible for me to do anything except focus on food if I am hungry. Not to mention, I never seem to mind spending money on delicious meals like I do when I buy a new t-shirt.
So this brings me to arguably one of the most courageous decisions I’ve ever independently faced – eating alone at a restaurant without a book, laptop, or friend.
Trust me, I know this doesn’t seem like a big deal. Not to mention there are one thousand plus things that I will have to face in my life that are going to be scarier and take more courage then eating at a table all by my lonesome. But, I am not going to take away from this step I made either – eating alone in a public space is nerve-racking. And quite frankly I am proud of myself for doing it.
So here I am today, sitting in the library, with a very full and happy belly, reminding myself that even small victories should be celebrate.
Today I am a strong, independent woman, who took a step (albeit a small step) towards self-growth and adulthood and all it took was a little bit of courage to eat breakfast all by myself.