lost.

Your talent is God’s gift to you. What you do with it is your gift back to God – Leo Buscaglia

I think this is something that I fear most in the world. Not the destructive natural disasters or even the demons that walk among me disguised as people. But the fact that I will loose my gift… my talent… my life line… my chance to give back.

Ever since I was a little girl my mind was busy. Filled with ideas and voices of characters who were just waiting for me to bring them to life. I couldn’t write quick enough in order to create the world that was so vivid in my brain. Some days I couldn’t find words to bring justice to my own thoughts, but with a little patient and help from the voices I found a way to bring every detail into focus – giving every character their own story. Writing them in such detail it was like they were always right there beside me.

But lately my mind hasn’t been busy. The voices that I used to look forward to every day have gone silent. And my inspiration is lost somewhere so far out of reach that I can’t even see its glimmer that used to wake me up out of a dead sleep.

Some people might think this is a blessing. I know how crazy I sound as I sit here and talk aimlessly about voices in my head. But I can say with confidence that the silence my brain now endures is more deafening, and much more tragic, then the voices that used to bring me so much joy.

For the last couple months these thoughts have surfaced. And then out of the blue, once a month if I am lucky, inspiration will strike and I will be able to swallow my doubts for one more day, sometimes only a few hours. 

And in the silence I sit here. Dreading my fate. But unable to find the worlds the fill this forever growing void. 

I have always believe that every single child is talented and holds all the skills to be the next great star. Or artist. Or famous novelist. I also believe that when a child grows up, 9 time out of 10, they surrend to adult responsibilities and the very talented artistic soul gets buried behind bills and booze. 

And I always swore that I would never loose my imagination that has been my bestfriend since I was born – but to be perfectly honest, I’m worried that it’s already lost.

 

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