People have always said that a heartbreak is the best possible thing for a writer.
It’s believed that when a creative soul is lying bruised and broken in their dark bedroom that they haven’t left in 4 days, with tears streaming steadily down their cheeks, and hair that is piled effortlessly on the top of their head with a pony tail that is holding on by its last thread, conveniently like the human it is attached to, is when a writer writes its best writing.
For some reason, heartache and sorrow seems to bring out the most vivid and creative words that were ever uttered from the author at hand.
So lets take a minute to define heartbreak.
Every time I hear this word I imagine almost empty ice cream containers that are left de-thawing into a sticky puddle on the kitchen table. Chocolate mixed with cookie dough, the perfect combination to fill a tiny bit of the hole that is left inside your body.
I picture an endless supply of used Kleenex that have been crumpled and tossed aside, and evidently walked over top of and forgotten, in exactly the same way as how your heart must feel.
I see unanswered text messages and 10 embarrassing crying voicemails that you are without a doubt going to regret once your eyes dry.
But I also can imagine heartbreak on a scale that doesn’t involve love.
To me, heartbreak has also been personal without involving a second party at all.
It’s that moment when your heart completely sinks and all the blood in your body instantly rushes to your face when you open your final exam and don’t even understand the first question.
It’s the shame you feel when you finally get your grade back, and even though it’s a pass it’s not anything to be proud of, and no matter how many ways you address the issue there is no possible way to get rid of the voice at the back of your head that’s calling you stupid.
It’s trying to absolute hardest and still coming up short to the standards that you have created in your own head.
In summary heartbreak can be a million different things, but the outcome is always the same.
In the end, during all the different types of heartbreak that you experience within your life, you feel like a failure and absolutely nothing can change that feeling but time.
I have said over 100 times throughout my life that I would never ever want to date a writer. Even though it is an art form that I value and cherish so deeply, I would never want to date someone with the same passion and drive as me when it comes to words. This is simply because the above statement is true. Or at least it is for me personally.
When my soul is hurting, and my mind is shot, for some unknown reason the words seem to flow effortlessly through my finger tips and onto the paper in front of me.
And to be honest with you, I have no idea why this happens. Not for me, or for any of the other writers in the world.
But if I had to do a guess it would be that my writing becomes so significant when the rest of my world falls apart because my words have never actually failed me.
Even at the end of the day if I am left alone and broken, my words are still there.
And even when my eyes are burning and swollen shut, somehow I can almost always still find the strength to release all the anger and emotions in me by writing them down in ink.
And theres something really calming about seeing your demons written down on paper. Like maybe, just for a second, the battles that you are fighting aren’t as big and scary as you thought they were. In fact, you now have the ability to literally tear them into pieces and absolutely no one is going to fight back once you make that first rip in your once perfect sheet of white paper.
Maybe my writing is at it’s absolute deepest when I am at my absolute lowest because even though I refuse physical contact with the real world around me, I also refuse to let myself sink into a state where I can see absolutely no light or future.
So for me, writing ultimately allows me to release my demons, and stay connected with the entire world around me, without actually having to face anyone or anything.
And, evidently there is something extremely reassuring that at your absolute lowest, when you have hit the lowest rock bottom you have ever experienced, you are indeed actually producing some of your best work that might just change the life of people around you.