I’m afraid to tell you that I lied to you.
Only once during our entire time together.
I told you that I could never hate you, and that a part of me would always love you.
I was quick to realize that this wouldn’t – couldn’t – be the case.
Because you see, you pursued me, back in the beginning when I had my doubts about you, and about us, you held my hand and you pulled me through them. You convinced me to depend on you, to trust you, to love you. You took me on adventures – once, you made me watch the sunset with you on the beach – an activity that will now forever be linked to your memory. How cruel of you to take away such a beautiful thing with your poison at such a young age in my life.
I quickly realized, despite everything that I told you, that I needed to hate you in order to heal. And honestly you deserve to be hated by me. I guess part of me wasn’t lying – you will always be apart of my life and part of you will always hold a special place in my mind. Unfortunately what your image will serve as is a reminder on what not to look for in a person and what to run from if it ever comes knocking at my door again. Unfortunately your memories will be bitter reminders of how heartless people can be.
I bet when you walked away from me, after all your promises and reassuring words, you thought that I would be heartbroken – and that I would pine over you. And I am not going to lie, for a couple of days I did. But I am sorry to tell you babe, that you no longer bring joy or tears to my eyes, instead just hatred and misery.
I’m afraid to tell you that your plan back-fired because I wont look for you in every guy that I date in the future – instead I will run from any guy that reminds me of you in the slightest.
I should have listened to my gutt in the first place. I should have walked away from you when I still stood a fighting chance. I should have realized that every time you reassured me that you were lying straight into my trusting, naïve eyes. But instead I let you past all my walls and barriers. And I ignored all my doubts and speculations. And I loved you with everything that I had to offer to another person. And I gave you the power to destroy me – because you convinced me that you never would – and then I crumbled when you did.
I’m sorry to tell you that you will always be the bad-guy in my story.
Isn’t it ironic? How you used to save me from my nightmares and now you are the one who personally sends them to me each night – wrapped up in pretty boxes, holding a team of monsters that want to eat me alive.