Last night I had an exceptionally bad night.
And by bad night, I mean one of the worst nights that I have had in weeks. I felt completely out of control and helpless and was completely unable to stop the steady stream of tears. The worst part about this was I have no idea what triggered it because I had a really good day while the sun was shinning. So like most other times, I am going to blame it on the darkness of the night-time sky.
However, once I was able to pull myself out of my car and forced myself to wash away the make up that was now caked on my face in awfully ugly lines – I found myself searching from my childhood friend.
For as long as I can remember, and as long as pictures date back, I have had my stuffie: “Puff”.
It’s really hard for me to describe him to others, because for one he is not really an animal, but he definitely isn’t a human either. He is, and always has been, just “Puff”. He kind of looks like a bear, or at least that’s the thing that he resembles if I absolutely had to pick something to compare him to, and he has a rattle inside him that still works to this very day.
Now you must understand that he has been my security blanket for as long as I can remember. Every bad dream, thunderstorm, over-night trip – we tackled together. So 19 years later he has basically lost all of his stuffing, is disgustingly dirty, and still wears pajamas that used to match mine when I was younger.
Most of the time, he sits on a chair in my room and holds down the fort while I am at university. But last night when the entire world gained up against me for no apparent reason at all, my old friend helped me finally fall asleep.
I am aware that this might be a weird thing to admit to a bunch of strangers. I am 19 years old and on some nights I still sleep with my teddy… However he helped, and I bet if you dug your most worn and loved teddy out of the back of your closet he would help fight away the nightmares – just like he used to when you were a baby.
A security blanket is defined as a thing or a person that provides someone with a sense of safety and emotional comfort. And I personally don’t think I should be ashamed that at 19 I have something that can kind of protect me from the nightmares.
Lately I have been reading a lot of different blogs about people’s struggles. For the most part I can conclude that a lot of people feel completely alone in this world. They feel completely alone with what they are facing and on some days their strength isn’t as strong.
I’ve felt like this too – feel like it. I am not remotely ready to let people into the battles that happen inside my mind. I would way rather act like everything is ok and normal then deal with the questions that I don’t have answers to yet.
However I would encourage everyone who’s struggling and everyone who is fighting to find your security blanket again. Because they helped against the worst nightmares in your childhood, so why do you think they wouldn’t help now?