You could ask 100 different people and get 100 different answers.
Being in love, loving someone, or having loved someone means something different for everyone.
Love is a complicated thing.
It can be magical and heartwarming
It can be destructive and cold.
Have you ever fallen in love with a person who struggles with depression?
A person who cries themselves to sleep night after night.
A person who is fighting a personal battle much bigger then you will ever be able to understand.
Have you even loved someone who has mood swings?
Who loves you one minute and ignores you the next?
Have you ever watched the light drain from someone’s eyes as you’re looking into them?
People have scars. People fight battles. And some people have demons.
It’s not easy to love someone who is struggling.
To reach out to them as they constantly push you away.
It’s not easy to watch the person you care about sit life-less in front of you.
To have no way to pull them back into reality.
It’s not easy to love a girl who has demons.
step one: be patient with her.
on the nights when she picks fights for no reasons and yells at you just to hear her own voice – try and be patient with her. she’s doing the best she can. sometimes her demons will be stronger then her and she won’t be able to reason with the words that are coming out of her mouth.
step two: push her.
she will try to push you away. she will tell you that it’s over, and she can’t handle it, and that she doesn’t want to talk to you. call anyway. push harder then she is pushing you. remind her that you love her and prove to her that you are there.
step three: be strong for her.
what she is asking you is unreasonable. she is asking you to fight things that she is trying to run from. if you decide that you want to date a girl who is struggling – please make sure that you are strong enough for her first. show her that she isn’t alone anymore. prove to her that demons aren’t that scary when there are two of you there.
step four: let her talk.
once she opens up to you, and she will if your patient enough, let her talk. it will be broken up and the silence will at times seem deafening – do not fill the silence. let her wipe her tears, and catch her breath, and wait for her to finish telling you what she has never told you before. she is trying to let you into a part of her life that is even too scary for her to face – this is a privileged – let her talk.
step five: guide her.
when she finally hits exhaustion and the tears have started to dry – gently tell her what to do. she won’t have to energy or motivation to take off her make-up, or get a glass of water – make her. it’s important.
step six: consume her.
if you get the privilege to be there in person, wrap your arms around her. show her that you have the strength to hold her up. if you can’t be there physically, give her your sweater or a t-shirt – it might annoy you to loose a clothing item, but it’ll help her.
step seven: ride out the wave and wait for morning.
everything is always better when the first ray of sunshine hits the bedroom window each morning.
It’s not easy to love a girl with demons. It’s not easy to fight battles that you can’t see, or battles that you don’t understand. The best thing about girls that are struggling though is they wont’ blame you for walking away. They don’t expect you to come into this relationship in full army attire.
Please remember through every bad night that you choose to stand by her, she is thankful even if she doesn’t show it.