People say the worst thing in life is being completely alone. Having no one to turn to, no one to talk to, and no one to help.
I beg to differ.
I think the worst thing in the world is feeling alone in a room for a people. Or feeling alone when you’re lying in the same bed as someone. The worst feeling in the world is when the miscommunication between two people becomes larger than any geographic distance ever could. It doesn’t matter what you say or how many times you approach the conversation because somehow logic and reason always appears before resolution shows it’s pretty head.
There are approximately 7 billion people in this world. There are millions of people who you could cross paths with. Thousands of people that you might become acquiesces with and hundreds of people who you could personally get to know, and love, and trust, and count on, and eventually lose. Because that’s what happens, and that’s what it means to live in this beautiful world, eventually you are going to lose people.
This is fate. It is a fact that cannot be avoided. Humans are not invincible, and humans are really good at leaving. But fortunately there is one person in this world who will never let you down – if you give them the chance.
There is one person that you are stuck with from the day you enter until the day you leave and that person is yourself. You are literally the only person that will always be there for yourself. No matter what.
I personally like to give people the benefit of the doubt. I like to put my trust in people and believe that they will support me and love me unconditionally. Numerous times in my short life I have been proven wrong. I’ve had relationships that don’t work out, friendships that end randomly, and I have had countless moments where I have felt completely alone in this world. But then I look down at my hands, and I feel my tears fall freely from my eyes, and I force myself to look into the mirror to see the reflection staring back at me.
I am not alone. And I am a fighter. I know this because I can count my scars, and I can see all my decisions that I have ever made in my life. When I look at myself I know that I have overcome events that I honestly thought would destroy me at the time. And I admit to myself, even if it is reluctantly, that I will get through this moment too.
I don’t want to look at this world as a scary place. I don’t want to look at people and know that eventually they will leave me too. What I want to do is look at myself every day and know that I have the strength and the courage to face everything that I have to on my own. I don’t need anyone to hold my hand, or wipe my tears, because I am more than capable of doing it myself.
I am a sucker for novels, I get lost in the plot line and fall in love with fictional characters. But no matter what the story is, I always route for the underdog – the underdog always endures tough times, always has self-doubt and doubt from others, but eventually the underdog always conquers all. I am the underdog of my story, but I am also going to come out on top.
I have a tattoo on my back that reads: “I am the hero of this story. I don’t need to be saved.”
Sometimes I wish this tattoo was visible every time I saw my reflection; a constant reminder of how strong I am.
I am not alone. And I am a fighter. Even if I can look around a crowded room and feel completely isolated. I am strong and I am independent and that is ok because I can handle that, even on the days when I don’t think I can.